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==> Seeking Ungrateful & Bitchy Replacement Girlfriend Hello Lovely Ladies of Southeast Michigan, I am a happy single guy seeking an unhappy woman to ruin any fun I might have. You should be an even bitchier and more ungrateful replacement girlfriend to help me forget how I am that the last bitchy, clingy, ungrateful ex-girlfriend has left my life. I'm turning over a new leaf. I can't take any more of this 'being single' lifestyle, since my daily life has degraded to such unsavory behavior that includes: * Sleeping in until noon on Saturdays without consequence * Watching Discovery Channel and instead of Bravo and * Not being concerned with how much " months salary" is going to set me back * The freedom to talk to/text random women at any time of the day * Not doing dishes because I ate dinner over the kitchen sink again * Paying only for myself at dinner and/or spending my money on *me* * Worry-free afternoons spent beating the monkey * Laughing at how much perfume and titty bar is still on me when I get home at 4:00am * Looking at the "Girls in Yoga Pants" website whenever the hell I feel like it, instead of waiting for 'someone' to go to sleep You should be the orphaned daughter of the Devil himself, though you were given up for adoption at an early age because your father didn't have the time or to manage a trillion demons and you. Please be and know you are too good for any man, preferably raised by wolves and/or rattlesnakes. You must have the ability to immediately disregard anything I do for you, and the uncanny ability to verbally castrate me any time we're in public as I walk steps behind you carrying your purse. Also, a collective stable of materialistic girlfriends with dimwitted fanatic without any college education is a must. You must at and ruining any fun I may be having, such as sitting in silence while eating a sandwich that I made for myself. Your mood forecast should be "cranky with a chance of being an emotion black hole". My family and friends should want to unofficially nickname you 'The Seaward', even though none of them are boating enthusiasts. Your skills and interests include the inability to give even a substandard blowjob, sincere dislike of , and waking me up early on Sunday mornings for absolutely no fucking reason. You shouldn't understand why I think baggy sweatshirts and old pajama pants covered with cat hair aren't sexy, while you never wear the cute and panties I purchased for you from 's Secret. Any of my attempts at playful bondage should be made very undesirable for me, much like wrestling an alligator who's never been in captivity. Identifying my wants and needs, then specifiy withhold anything pertaining to them should come naturally to you. My ideal date consists of meeting you and your cell phone for dinner at a nice restaurant where you can order whatever meal has "market price" next to it, and then not touch it while looking at your nails every 37 seconds. Topics of conversation should include a question and answer session asking me why your last boyfriend was such a dick, then transition to important topics such as your excitement over coming back, and sadness that Caroline is leaving. Also, having no what kind of wine you like so we can order one glass of everything for you to determine what you do like would be great. Common courtesy and saying 'thank you' for taking you to dinner should be a foreign idea that you don't quite . I feel there is a void in my life without you. Let's chat, then text, and finally meet so I can develop a fondness for you, while you wonder what must be wrong with me since I've never been married. Preference is given to those who include a of the typical 'uninterested' face you'll give me when I try to initiate sex. I'm anxiously awaiting our future and the new Hell you'll bring to my life! Missing you, Me

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"assistant" wanted I am in dire need of an assistant. Please review the following requirements before applying for this position:

The following categories are encouraged to apply immediately as there is only one position available.
*married, single, divorced, tall, short, round, bbw, plump, geeky,dorky,kind,sensitive, imaginative, intelligent
compassionate, smart ass..

Age 45-60


The following categories may NOT apply
Males, Women who cannot communicate above an 8th grade comprehension level.

Must be willing to share and receive confidential information and respect it's confidential nature.
Must be well dressed and able to be THAT friend who knows all, shares all and says nothing
Compensation will be "in kind" in exchange for skills listed above you will receive same.

Must be willing to share pic. ALL PICS WITH NUDITY WILL BE DELETED and you will not be considered eleigible
for this very important position.

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