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So close...yet w4w
You just left, yet my heart still continues to beat wildly. Holding your white tank top that you left behind, I bring it to my face and inhale your sweet scent. *Sigh* Your scent so familiar....so clean and inviting! Moments ago, we were so close lying on my bed watching an old 80's flick. I couldn't keep my mouth shut and had to narrate throughout the movie because....well....because I was nervous. Because I wanted a reason to turn to you and look upon your beautiful face. Because I wanted to kiss you so much... I should have just turned to you, scooped you into my arms and kissed you gently, yet passionately. One kiss can say so much if given the opportunity... I should have but I didn't. But I thought about it the whole evening....wondering what you would do if I kissed you. You know I have that thing about respecting boundaries. I wouldn't think of making a move unless I knew the feelings were mutual. The messages coming from you lately are mixed and confusing.
I asked you to stay the night, but you replied it would confuse everyone. "Confuse who?", I asked. "The dogs, the cats, the kid, and me", was your reply. You repeated the same as you walked out the door. I told you, "I'm not confused at all", knowing I was lying as soon as the words left my lips. I am confused! Confused as to why when you first arrived tonight and we were alone, you began to tell me intimate details of what brings you desire. Midway through you stated, "TMI", and I could tell by the questioning look on your face that you were probably wondering why you were even divulging such information. Especially to me, who has been fairly forthcoming about my feelings for you....ever since the beginning. Are you having feelings for me also?
I heard about you long before I met you. Two friends said I should meet you. I thought about it for a few months as I passed your business almost daily. One day, curiosity and a compelling urge got the better of me and I went to your place to meet you. I was struck by your natural good looks, sparkling eyes and a bright smile. There was that instant attraction right from the start. Long story short we became fast friends, both amazed at what we shared in common and how good we felt in each other's presence. We talk nearly everyday, both of us admitting we miss each other if we don't get our S&S fix daily. I asked you tonight...what do we do if feelings continue to grow? You said you did not know. I know how important our friendship has become to you and that you fear losing it if we should cross that line. The friendship means a lot to me also, but I can't deny the other feelings that continue to build over time. You keep stating you are not ready for anything right now. I understand that you are still healing. I can wait if I know there's a chance of us deepening an already rewarding friendship. But your messages are confusing. Can't you feel the tension building? Please tell me...what were your thoughts as you laid there dressed in my pjs, our bodies so close that I could feel your warm breath on my skin with every exhale you released? Honestly, did you want me to kiss you? Did you think about how it might feel to have our bodies touch? Or to hear heated whispers of desire and growing love, breathlessly expressed? Last night on the you told me you entertained thoughts about being with me. Then in your next breath you shared how I should take that with a "grain of salt" and that you probably shouldn't tell me that. Huh? What does that mean? You said enough in order for me to cancel the date I had tonight and instead spend the evening watching an old 80's romance flick with you. You are always my first choice! My love for you continues to grow...and I know not what to do about it.
I know you'll never see this....but it sure felt good to get that off my chest.
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